Its been a while...

It has been a while indeed when I last posted here. Been quite busy indeed.

With what you may ask? Well with being a career mom..

Yes a working mom. NEVER have I imagined to have been full time mom. I have always said to myself that even if I have my own family, I cannot settle in being a housewife or else I would go crazy!

But one thing that I didn't anticipate? Its not easy as you think it is.

There will be times that you will come at your wits end specially when your too tired. Good thing I have a very loving supportive partner who takes care of my unico iho :).

There would be times arguement would arise and most of the time it will be just petty reasons. BUT what is important is that you get to be stronger as a couple,,, as a family.

I consider myself blessed inspite of every trial. There would be times I never thought I will ever survive or get through financially. But its really true that God will indeed provide. We just have to have faith...

And my lucky charm? Indeed my family.

posted from Bloggeroid

my new journey

being pregnant is indeed a journey. i have only been pregnant for 3 months now and i have already been through alot. well, not really the negative things that comes to mind.

being pregnant is indeed a wonderful blessing for me, but sometimes, you just dont feel so good when you are.. ( whoever said being pregnant is easy).

first of all, there are lots of things to consider and to be cautious of everything.

food- there is an excuse to eat a little more than you should without people telling you regarding overeating BUT that is if you are allowed to eat your favorite food! during pregnancy, there are some food that you can't eat as it could harm the baby. so before enjoying your favorite dish, ask first if you are allowed to eat it. also, for those who does not eat veggies and fruits , well, this time you have no choice if you want your child to be healthy. (yes, i must confess, i dont eat veggies much, but learning to eat them now as there is a need)

second, things that we used to do, sometimes are forbidden or rather not recommended. which also have the advantage and disadvantages. just like doing household chores and lifting heavy things, in my part atleast, i have always been used to stand independently and do all my household chores on my own. i would clean my room, do the laundry and wash the dishes, but now, im not even allowed to do any of those. my hubby actually does it for me. which is an advantage but the thing is, as much as you would like to help out to atleast do something, while waiting for time to pass by, you cant, and with that, you get bored. you also can't move as fast as you used to as you need to be careful in staining your body. slipping should be avoided, and sometimes even taking a bath during evenings even if your used to taking a shower before you go to sleep.

third is mood swings. being pregnant gives you the right to be a brat to some extent, but mood swings can ruin not only your mood but also of your partner.

and lastly, body changes and reactions. changes and reactions differ with every pregnant woman. others would not feel a thing except their belly getting bigger each month but some??? well they do suffer specially during the first trimester. me for example, my first 2 months of pregnancy is bliss! well not really but i dont really crave and no nausea nor dizziness. only headache at times and tenderness of breast but as the 3rd month approaches, i started vomitting, feeling nausea, headache and dizziness and backache and mind you, they stike anytime of the day or in my case, at night. also feel the urge of going to the cr to urine more often, even during the wee hours. another change you will notice is ofcourse you not being able to fit your favorite jeans unless its atleast 3x your size. lol. your hips expanding and your tummy getting bigger. there are also times you will experience cramps, bloatedness and God knows what else.

but inspite of those painful and blissful experiences, by the end of the day, you will still feel bless for that little life growing inside you and indeed, you will always say that they are worth the little sacrifices you had to give up just to have them in this world.

a miracle indeed..

there was a point in my life i almost gave up on loving.. glad i didnt!

these past few months has been a busy time for me.. specially because of the fact.. i came back to being active in church.

because of my bestfriend, who wanted to regain the adventist youth spirit, he used me to basically stand as a representative/spokesperson to have the activities and the youth join in. with this, i started going to church again, gaining new friends and catching up with the old ones too..

there are alot of pressure, stress, (talk about being a shock absorber) and most of all, fun fun fun.That is what these activities is all about.

within a small period of time, inspite of feeling old (due to most of the youth are indeed youth age ranging 13 - 24) i simply cant help but reminice our "time" and that made me realized how much i've missed being with my adventist "me". i missed being active in church activies, as it has been a while i laylowed in such.

not only had i gained friends, but was able to catch up with old ones. them being mostly married.. ika nga, napagiiwanan na daw ako ng panahon.. lol. well, i guess not anymore..

during the period of getting busy serving Him.. He apparently gave me a gift that i least expected.

The one..

yes, because of these activities, i got to meet the person i think is my perfect match.. some may think its a whirlwind romance.. but for us, its seems we've been together for so long.

in a short span of time, we decided to basically live together, and now.. we are about to have a little bundle of joy.

its a weird and wonderful feeling inspite of the feeling of uneasiness. its my first time to actually feel such.

now i better understand when mothers say, "iba talaga ang feeling ng nagbubuntis at pagiging ina". kahit hirap, kahit feeling mo pagod ka, kakayanin mo, para sa magiging anak mo.. i may not have felt too well lately, but i am taking extra na precautionary measure pa to take care of myself. little pressures are no longer allowed for me, and im much thankful my mom inlaw is indeed very supportive. everyone are just so excited, specially me and leo.

i really cant feel what they call "paglilihi" unless frequent headache, dizziness and mood swings are part of it. also, my appetite had greatly increased! :(.

also feel a little awkward as a feel little abdomenal cramps, upon research and according to my OB, these could be normal, but still needs to be careful. it could end up as an ectopic, specially that the result of my lab pregnancy test is positive weak.

i had to take some meds and vitamins and drink milk to keep me healthy and make sure the baby will keep hanging on.. lets keep praying for that..

but for now, i am enjoying the feeling of about to be a mom, at my age, i hope i wont be having anything too complicated for me, my hubby and our baby to handle..

indeed, this little life inside me is a miracle and a blessing indeed..

early morning drama

many words keep spinning in my head
it seems like my world is in a thread
between learning to love again
and fighting to avoid hurt and pain

could it be, ive given up on searching
for the one who is meant for me?
Or perhaps, He is just preparing
to actually meet the one, who will let me be

sometimes i grow tired
of waiting for "the" signs..
there was never really a standard,
just a "know how" between the lines

Will he ever come my way?
that is the question, i've got to face
someone to call my own..
and will never ever leave me feeling alone...

Reposting : Fraud

you may think this is a continuation of what happened to me last time.. well sort of.

you see, the article about a fraud case? is actually not true.. it was a story made up by someone who we thought was a friend.

yes, a so called friend who i accepted in my life with no "buts" but all she did was swindle all i ever had. (accepted in a sense that "tinanggap ko sya bilang tao at pinaka harapan bilang tao).
and what is more painful is that.. she was accepted here at home without anything else to wear, nothing to eat and no money to spend. and she was able to do all this to me.. to us..

admittedly, i feel ashamed of what happened but what the heck, it is not my fault at all! she was good! she was good in showing she was the victim. she was never one. she had always been the mastermind of everything. all the characters she came up with, are all ficticious! from the "friend" sa bank to the attorney at law who handled the case to the vice president of the bank. all where just lies.

there was even a story where she claimed she was a battered child and her mom is a battered wife and a case was filed against her dad. a story that her mom was hit by a trike and was in coma that time. and her mom was operated for cataract and the hospital wont provide them a promisory note for them to go out due to non payment. and even her alibies over the holidays just so she need not come to work. she was a best actress and definitely she deserves an oscar!

and what's worse is the after shock of everything. i have lots of credit card bills to pay. and all those "utang" just to come up with the "trial" money.

what i can't understand is.. how can anyone be so heartless for her family. she had to make up stories about her mom dying, her father hurting her, her mom being in the hospital, and her brother being stranded in Manila and she had to go back there to pick him up. all tragic stories had all been made up. we dont even know at all if there is such truth with what she told us at all. i for myself definely wont make up such stories about my family. specially my parents.

lesson learned.. never trust anyone that easily specially when money matters are involved.my bad i guess.

trust is very important in every relationship whether it be friendship, work relationship etc.. but once the trust has been broken, it can never be gained back. so take care of it. learn to be true to the people who had been true to you. karma will definitely get back at you.maybe that's the reason why you are feeling all kinds of sickness. kasi binabalikan ka ng conscience mo..

to you: i treated you as a friend.. a confidante.. and trusted you. all the while i thought totoong tao ka.. everything was eventually lies! di ako nagpapatanaw ng utang na loob, pero sa ganitong sitwasyon, ikaw ang taong literal na walang utang na loob...


Just in case you may encounter her :
Details :

Name : Cezairleen Cabrera Mangila
Nick : Cezzy, Cez, Cezois, Cezairleen Mangila, Cezairleen
Location : Mexico Pampanga
Birthday : December 17
Email address:cezairleen@yahoo.com



She may make up stories about her family just like she did to us. In case you may encounter her, check out her picture.








another picture of Cez

what might have been...

here i go again, lying restless in bed
thinking about things that goes above my head
things about happiness, love, life and all
about "what if"s, could've been, either big or small

ive thought of my past relationships;
both about love and friendships
the difference between the two,
when one had become after the other

i used to have a "him"
who was a friend turned lover;
but things didnt worked out;
and so decided to find another;

i used to have a friend; who apparently became special;
having an "us" did not work; due to distance differential;
but friendship bloomed more, even after confrontations
we're better off that way, with no further expectations

i also had "what if" and shouldve been "him"
sometimes, i still give it some thoughts
just thinking about it could make me beam;
perhaps a second chance for whatever its worth

there are also those whom i wish i hadnt met
cause all they did was cause me pain
but those are still people i will never forget
they made me stronger, not all was in vain

having to look back, for all aches i've been through
i still manage to smile; and say i wont be blue
im still looking forward in meeting "you"
not mr perfect, but someone i would want to say "i do" ....

rainbow after the rain

after what happened to me.. sometimes i cant help but feel down and feel a little pity for myself.. specially now that i have to be more thrifty for things i used to enjoy. coffee at starbucks, yummy desserts,cravings for dishes i miss eating, travelling to places and buying things for my self.. i have to adjust and sacrifice spending for so many things that i previously have no problem on spending to before. - sino ba naman ang di madedepress nun! feeling deprived of things you are working hard for just to enjoy. now i am working for something i didn't even enjoy cause someone had spent it for someone else.. pathetic how people would do anything just to get the attention of the person they like. even if it means stealing and tellings lies for the money. and even putting the lives of their love ones on the line. talk about buying "love".

but inspite of what happened.. i have learned alot. about trusting, paying attention to details, saving up and friendship.

i thank God for having friends.. true friends. unlike "her" who needs to buy people just to be accepted. too bad, money can't buy everything.

whenever i feel depressed or down because of lack of money to spend, i just think things over and count my blessings. i still manage to face my collegues at work with no shame at all, i have friends who understand and willing to help out anyway they can, i can still manage to eat and keep my self nourished just to get me through each day, inspite of hunger, atleast its not starvation.. lol.. , i can still smile and have fun without having to worry what to scheme on next. i dont have to lie and make some excuses just to get what i want. i have a job to which i earn just right so i could live and survive, i have my family to whom inspite of the "sermon" still is there to support me. and ofcourse to Him, that inspite of all i've done, being inactive in church, and sometimes neglecting Him, still His presence was never gone. He makes it a point that i survive and blessings keep coming in specially when i needed them most. and indeed, it gives truth to the saying "there is always a rainbow after the rain" and even if there is an aftermath, atleast after the aftermath, it will just remain a memory, a memory that made us learn and be stronger, tougher and braver.